Barclay Hamish McBama

The following excerpts are taken from the newly released biography of our 44^th President…

This is the tale of a boy, abandoned by his Scotch-Irish immigrant father and raised in Alabama by a single mother. This is the tale of a determined scholar, instructed in political science and law at Rice and Vanderbilt. This is the tale of a bright young attorney, hammering out contracts for the soybean oilcake manufacturing co-ops of New Orleans. This is the tale of a dogged local legislator, baptized by the fires of the notorious Louisiana political machine. This is the tale of a national upstart, who upset the apple cart to earn the Republican nomination for the highest office in the land in 2008.

President McBama

This is the tale of Barclay Hamish McBama, 44^th President of the United States of America. 

When he took office on January 20, 2009, McBama was just what the American people needed- a no-nonsense firebrand who knew how to scold a child, love a woman, and pass a bill into law.  After eight years of feeble liberal leadership the nation’s challenges were plentiful, each requiring a delicate balance of flyover-state sensibility and a firm Baptist pimp hand. Enter Barry McBama.

First things came first on day one of the McBama Era. How in the heck had a cranky Saudi terrorist with failing kidneys eluded U.S. forces for eight years and slipped into Pakistan? The answer was simple: well-meaning but ill-fated liberal pussy-footing. Yes, the Dems do mean well. They love America, and they wanted to bring her assailant to justice too. But want-to the size of Texas won’t win the horse race if you don’t know when to use the spurs. And when a disgruntled Arab scampers off into the Tora Bora mountains with a chunk of the national scrotum in his teeth, well, that’s an occasion for the spurs. Bunny rabbits and harmony are great, but sometimes the day arrives when progressives need to take a step back and let the grown-ups take charge. Two years later OBL had himself a bullet in the eye courtesy of the United States Navy.

In July of 2008, longtime Senator and Democratic nominee Jack Van Cain was asked on CNN, “if you were President and know that bin Laden was in Pakistan, would you have U.S. forces go in after him?”

Van Cain responded, “I’m not going to go there and here’s why: because Pakistan is a sovereign nation.”

Four years later, the Dems have put forward another nominee who held that same view at the time in former Massachusetts Governor Titt Nomrey. Nomrey told the AP that McBama’s stance was “naïve,” saying, “it’s not worth moving Heaven and Earth and spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person.” Maybe Titt should converse with the families of the victims about that. Talk to the firefighters of New York, Titt. Ask the NYPD if it was worth it.

This is precisely the flaccid brand of rhetoric that emasculates a nation and empowers its enemies. Fortunately, the American people didn’t elect Jack Van Cain in 2008. And God-willing they won’t elect Titt Nomrey this year.

Barry McBama means business.

President McBama knows we need to stay on offense. Just ask Anwar al-Awlaki or the dozens of other Al Qaeda and Taliban leaders picked off by drones or raids in Yemen, Pakistan, Somalia, Indonesia, Iraq, and elsewhere. Finally America has a Chief Executive who has eschewed the silly, idealistic nation-building campaigns of Presidents Mush 41 and the hapless boob Mush 43 in favor of a policy shaped around the liquidation of high value targets.

But to ensure another four years of ruthless efficiency we need a President strong enough to stand up to detractors, both internationally and here at home. The ACLU charges that as many as 4,000 people have been killed by our drone strikes in the past decade and those stats have spiked dramatically under McBama. United Nations special reporters have urged that the UN itself should consider establishing an investigatory body to look into each killing outside a recognized war zone, even hinting that some of our attacks may constitute war crimes. Barry McBama knows that there’s a time for diplomacy and there’s a time for brimstone, just as they teach in the little white churches all across this great land every Sunday. But what do they teach in Titt Nomrey’s Mormon temple? Can we count on Titt to go to bat against the hippie hand-wringing of the UN and ACLU? Or will he acquiesce in the grand liberal tradition?

McBama’s accomplishments aren’t limited to foreign policy pimpin’. He smacked healthcare freeloaders into line by finally implementing the concept the conservative Heritage Foundation began pushing for in 1989, the individual mandate. He lent General Motors a helping hand, ensuring that the towing capacity of the Chevy Silverado and GMC Sierra would be there for our children and grandchildren. He proudly received an F on gun control from the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence after signing legislation allowing guns in Yellowstone Park and on Amtrak trains. And just like old Bill McClintock did before him when he repealed the Glass-Steagall Act, McBama showed that he knows how to leave the nation's financial institutions unshackled to drive real trickle-down growth.

Do we really want America to return to the failed Mush policies under a Titt Nomrey administration? Or do we want to be guided into the future by the firm, conservative hand of Barry McBama?

Mc-Ba-ma! Mc-Ba-ma! Mc-Ba-ma!

Also look for the book under the alternative titles "Stuff Conservatives Would be Saying if Obama Was a Republican" and "How Can You Call Obama the Biggest Threat to the American Way and Keep a Straight Face?"